The ONLY thing that can really protect children from AI and other online dangers is always the same
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Already one year ago, half of (American) teens were regularly using AI companionsone year ago, that is “AI platforms designed to serve as digital friends”, for something much worst than cheating at school, and I’m not talking of customized porn like this:
I am talking of much more personal “help” like, from less to more serious:
guidance on back-to-school shopping, low-calorie snacks or planning birthday parties
getting the right words to write to fix sensitive situations and personal emotional or relational problems like, for example, “writing the message to break up with a girl after a two-year relationship”
I do not think at all that customized, endless porn is healthy for anyone, children or not. The reason I say certain uses of AI companions are worse is simply that, unlike porn, they are socially accepted, if not encouraged to both keep kids away from presumably worst dangers, and prepare them to the Brave Hi-Tech All-AI World of tomorrow. Problem is, what regular use of such “help” actually achieves is to raise kids who:
find no reasons to try to make real friends. Social media “only” prey on the human need to be seen, AIs on the much deeper need to feel emotions
have no more need nor capability to trust themselves to make a decision
believe they can and should always avoid the stress of dealing alone with relational problems
have their creativity, critical thinking and social skills (which, by the way, are all skills needed to have, when the right moment actually comes, sex satisfying enough to not need porn) all castrated by AIs
The reasons why AI companions have such effects are obvious. Unlike parents, siblings (when they still exist), schoolmates and friends:
“AI is always available. It never gets bored with you”
AI is never judgmental, and whatever you ask it you are always right, always interesting, always emotionally justified. In the already mentioned study, 31% of polled teens said their conversations with AI companions were “as satisfying or more satisfying” than talking with real friends
AI companions are Grima Wormtongue, the smarmy counselor that makes an otherwise really remarkable man never see reality.
Why, how and WHERE this gets really, really stupid (again, never mind porn)
If you are worried that AI makes it possible for kids to do stuff like this:
stop worrying. First, because it’s NOT AI that does that. Second, because the fact that AI services can produce sexual material, give dangerous advice and offer harmful content may be the smaller problem.
If the whole economy, schools, families and, why not, AI companions all teamed up and succeeded to educate teenagers to be interested only in realistic, healthy sex with real people at the right age (whatever “healthy” and “right” mean, it’s irrelevant here) but said teenagers remained abandoned to “AI companions” for all the needs you just read, that would still be a huge damage. Replacement of actual human interactions can only exacerbate crises of loneliness and youth mental health, and in the long run, even if nobody had to work to make a living, a society of people like this would be everything but human.
Those surveys show and quantify how and how much “AI companions” actively and deliberately worsen atrophy of “identity, social skills and independence”. But an artificial “intelligence” that does this (that is: the PEOPLE who make and run it for profit and power) has no need whatsoever to kill you to rule the world. It has already tamed you for good.
What should be done? That study summarized above came to hardly imaginable conclusions:
“The largely unregulated AI industry is becoming as integrated with adolescence as smartphones and social media are.”
Platforms where they are “constantly being validated, not being challenged, not learning to read social cues or understand somebody else’s perspective” are the last places teens and preteens should go.
In other words, those experts just proved and quantified what common sense in every working, adequately informed brain knew right away, namely that adolescence is a critical time for developing identity, social skills and independence. Obvious, but nothing wrong so far. The stupid part starts when the same experts recommend that AI companions should “complement” real-world interactions.
The truth is that even traces of common sense should be enough to conclude that it is very, very, very unlikely that “relationships” designed to be always comforting and much more addictive than real ones could remain their “complements” instead of replacing them altogether, especially for children not mature enough to see or want the difference.
Today’s social media are a cesspool born from the marriage of greed and cluelessness. As true as this is, it doesn’t change the fact that age limits for social media are intrinsically cretin, impossible to enforce, and with lots of really bad side effects for everybody, and totally useless anyway, now that teens have already moved to AI companions. I already explained why, and now reality confirms it: Australia’s under-16 social media ban, started with much fanfare and worldwide approval eigth months ago, is already failing.
Regardless of bans, social media are yesterday’s battle, as I said last winter. But AI bans are even more cretin, and even more impossible to enforce if you try to deploy them on the wrong side of the fence, because AI services are much more numerous, much more diverse, much less visible than social media.
The only solution that will work

The only solution that would have a concrete, beneficial impact without any harmful side effect is the one that was already obvious well before AI chatbots were left loose on the world, but is systematically neglected exactly because it’s as easy as it’s unexpensive and uncool.
The “companions” that are really harmful are the only ones that can be successfully blocked. They are the personal smartphones without which it’s impossible to directly connect AIs to brains 24/7. They are the smartphones that adults continue to proudly put in the hands of the most influenceable humans, years before they’re theoretically able to get them right, in times when any honest look at modern society should prove that even most adults seem unable to use their own smartphones decently.
Please share this as much as you can, in and outside Substack. EVERY current or future parent must know this!
Banning social media or AI companions while leaving smartphones in the hands of kids is exactly as effective and smart as living in a really dangerous neighborhood with the front door always open, to make your neighbors envy your furniture, but with a big “Molesters not welcome here” sign on the wall.
By now, even experts have stopped beating around the bush and started saying that removing smartphones is really needed now:
“using smartphones before age 13 could damage kids’ mental health, [as such usage] was associated with suicidal thoughts, worse emotional regulation, lower self-worth and detachment from reality, especially among girls”, as well as “sleep disruptions, cyberbullying and negative family relationships”, said a study released ONE YEAR AGO whose main value is that, “while previous research focused on how smartphone use is related to anxiety and depression...[this] looked at symptoms not commonly studied, including emotional regulation and self-worth, and found they are very significant”
one of the many high schools that started requiring students to put their phones inside magnetic locking pouches every morning reported, 16 months ago, that “not only kids actually talk to each other at lunch now: Interpersonal violence has been at a record low, too”
If the right people (not governments!) banned possession before 16 of personal smartphones, 90% of all childhood and early adolescence problems with both social media and AI would vanish. It’s really frustrating to see both “experts” and parents circling around this obvious concept for years now, without ever having the guts or a clear enough mind to see it, and act consequently.
Objections that smartphone bans ignore how integrated they are in younger generations’ lives have no substance. A few decades ago, smoking, both active and passive from the womb on, was just as deeply “integrated in younger generations’ lives”. We succeeded to make that exposure socially untolerable. Now that’s the turn of smartphones, we can do that too, and we really must.
It’s also high time to just laugh at everybody still saying things like “Kids need to know how to use social media (or AI) and by an outright ban of smartphones... we are not getting any closer to teaching those skills”. Why on Earth should kids learn how to use stuff and practices that, only this week, judges found bad enough for kids to deserve a $567m fine?
The worst enemies of smartphone-free kids
I said it three years ago, before all the studies I’m citing here, and I repeat it today: Honestly, THE problem with children online is PARENTS. Laws and governments must stay out of this, except by providing information. But all future parents, and all parents of kids who don’t already have their own personal smartphone must accept that delaying possession of any portable, that is uncontrollable internet-connected device is a protection against AI and social media toxic effects hugely better and easier than any other, not to mention surely affordable.
Good parenting in a digital age is much simpler than it seems, and 90% of it may be summed up in two rules:
Never attach your children to portable direct gateways to AI, social media and general datafication and control systems, the better for the children, period. This includes sharenting, obsessively checking your kids grades every day on the school’s website, or screwing their summer camps with email, video calls or other digital abuses
The less you interact with your children (and the children teachers, coaches etc...) through digital interfaces and services, or while using said tools, the better
On the second rule, please consider the study concluding that “cell phone use affects parent-child interactions, even when adults aren’t online”, whose most important points are:
“Mothers who were in the habit of spending more time on social media talked much less to their kids when they played with them than did moms who spent less time on social networks, and that difference carried over when they weren’t using their devices”
“Talk to your kids even as they get older, because one of the most important things parents can do is to talk to their children all the time”
In other words, the right parenting when it comes to AI, smartphones and control mania impulses is the exact opposite as Sam Altman, the chairman of OpenAI who last week called having AI remind you of your kids’ commitments “a cool use case of ChatGPT” just to be told, by something obvviousl much more intelligent than him “What if you just talked to your children”.

Not chaining children to the only objects that for-profit, mind-altering services absolutely need to reach them to make money is as easy as it’s urgent, but here comes the most difficult part: don’t even try to believe that it will be enough. No smartphones before 15 or 16 is a mandatory first, urgent step, but it’s only the first. The teens most likely to experience positive mental health even if connected with the Matrix are those who, besides parents with common sense, have strong, supportive friendships, said another study.
Problem is, in order to begin and resist through the years, childhood friendships need time and spaces, where kids are free to grow together, learning adulthood from each other, without any kind of prison guard always behind their backs. That is, what all strong, supportive friendships need (besides less uselessly anxious parents and trying real scouting, of course) is things like children weekly schedules less busy than those of Fortune 500 executives, many more public playgrounds with enough public funding to keep them always clean and safe, and safe ways to reach those playgrounds by feet, skates, bikes or transit.
That’s the stuff that (after committing to “no smartphone before sixteen”) every parent should campaign for now, together with all other parents. Not cretin bans.
Because the best preparation to digital life there is, is learning it on a fixed computer that cannot stalk or inhabit you like Xenomorphs, and growing free range all the rest of the time:
