Imagine coming home for the holidays, excited to spend quality time with your loving partner, only to be dumped just before Thanksgiving? This is such a common occurrence for many daters, especially college-aged students, that there’s an actual name for it: the turkey drop.

What Is the ‘Turkey Drop’ Dating Trend?

The “Turkey drop” is basically just a festive term for a breakup that occurs during Thanksgiving time. Like most dating trends, we can thank Gen Z (okay, and perhaps Millennials, too) for this one—though it was a common dating phenomenon far before it had this catchy title. And unfortunately, it doesn’t just impact college kids. With Thanksgiving and the holiday season adding pressure on even the most mature couples, it often triggers serious discussions and reconsiderations, which in turn often lead to separations.

“I am very used to my phone lighting up at this time of year because of trends like ‘the turkey drop,’” says Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking. “The trend started with college freshmen. They head off to school still dating their high school sweetheart, then come home for Thanksgiving and realize they’re not the same person who left in August. So they end it before the pie comes out.”

Why Thanksgiving Is a Popular Breakup Holiday

Coming from experience, I’d say many couples feel overwhelmed and conflicted during the start of the holiday season, which is around Thanksgiving. Do you bring your partner home for turkey dinner with the fam, or are you not ready to take those next steps? Do you want to lock in for cuffing season, or does the thought of spending the winter snowed in together make your skin crawl? This season often triggers deep reflection, which can ultimately lead to breakups.

“The pressure is on; your auntie is asking if you are in a relationship, etc.,” Trombetti says. “Also, you are getting closer and closer to the new year. This is typically when many couples assess what they want for the future, and sometimes that means ending their current relationship.”

Additionally, for those away at college, they might return to their hometown lover with a new sense of identity and craving for freedom. Of course, they delay the breakup until Thanksgiving, which is typically the first chance they have to come home and talk in person. 

Signs You’re About to Be ‘Turkey Dropped’ by Your Partner

No one wants to be broken up with during the holidays (or really any time of the year). A common sign someone is planning to end a relationship is increased distance and decreased effort. For example, maybe they’re answering your texts less and less, or perhaps they’re not including you in their holiday plans.

“This is typically the busiest time of the year,” Trombetti says. “If they are not mentioning plans for the holiday season, it may be a red flag.”

If you suspect your partner might drop you this Turkey Day, you can usually avoid being blindsided and humiliated by having an open, honest conversation. 

“If you feel someone pulling away, that usually means something,” says Trombetti. “Trust your gut on this one. If they feel off, they probably are off.”

The post This Is Why So Many Couples Break Up Around Thanksgiving, According to a Relationship Expert appeared first on VICE.

According to the internet, everything is a red flag now, from slow texters to grown men who own exactly one towel.

Some of these are personal preferences, and others are easily solved with a trip to Target. But there’s a big difference between dating someone with a few irritating habits and dating someone who makes you question yourself, your friendships, or whether you can trust them. Therapists and relationship researchers have identified some warning signs that point to bigger issues with respect, honesty, and control. Here are seven to watch for.

1. Everything Happens Way Too Fast

Two weeks into dating someone, you’re still figuring out if you even like their friends. They’re already making plans for your first anniversary. That much enthusiasm can be flattering, but when the affection comes with pressure to commit, you could be dealing with love bombing.

A University of Arkansas study of 484 college students associated love-bombing behaviors with narcissistic tendencies, insecure attachment, and lower self-esteem. There’s nothing wrong with getting excited about someone new, but it’s concerning when all that affection comes with pressure to commit before you’re ready.

2. You’re Always the Butt of the Joke

A little teasing is normal. But when someone regularly makes fun of your appearance, career, or intelligence in front of other people, then tells you to lighten up when you get upset, it’s hard to see what’s so funny. Psychologist John Gottman’s research identified contempt, including mockery and ridicule, as one of the strongest predictors of divorce among married couples.

3. They Use Silence Against You

There’s nothing wrong with needing some space after an argument. Sometimes you need a few hours before you can talk without saying something you’ll regret. But ignoring your partner for days until they give in or apologize is another matter. 

Gottman calls withdrawing from conflict stonewalling, though it can also happen when someone feels overwhelmed, with no intention of punishing their partner.

4. Every Ex Was Apparently Crazy

One terrible ex? Understandable. Five terrible exes, all supposedly responsible for everything that went wrong? You have to wonder if this person has ever admitted to making a mistake. Relationships are rarely that one-sided, and someone who can’t acknowledge their own mistakes might have a hard time admitting when they’ve hurt you, too.

5. Your Friends Barely See You Anymore

Your partner gets irritated whenever you make plans without them, and seeing your friends starts coming with an argument you don’t feel like having. You find yourself turning down invitations just to avoid another fight. Isolation from friends and family is a recognized warning sign of controlling or abusive behavior, especially when your partner is the reason those relationships are suffering.

6. You’re Starting to Question Your Own Memory

It’s normal for two people to remember an argument differently. But when your partner repeatedly insists something never happened, denies saying things you distinctly remember, or accuses you of imagining everything, you can start questioning your own memory. If they’re deliberately trying to make you doubt yourself, that could be gaslighting.

7. They’re Awful to Service Workers

A guy can spend the entire date being charming, but the second he snaps at a server over something stupid, that charm goes right out the window. There’s no excuse for treating someone like crap because they’re bringing you dinner. And if he’s comfortable being that rude to a stranger right in front of you, imagine how he handles things when he’s pissed off at someone he knows.

So What Now?

People screw up in relationships. They say stupid things, lose their tempers, and make mistakes. But if you’ve had the same conversation about the same hurtful behavior 15 times and nothing has changed, there’s only so much you can blame on a bad day.

Therapist Adrienne Michelle told Cosmopolitan that positive qualities don’t excuse behavior involving control, dishonesty, or disrespect. If you’re frightened of your partner or feel controlled, the National Domestic Violence Hotline offers confidential support at 800-799-7233.

As for the guy with one towel, he can probably stay. Somebody just needs to take him shopping.

The post 7 Major Red Flags in a Relationship You Should Never Ignore, According to Experts appeared first on VICE.

There’s something attractive about a guy who barely uses social media. A guy who has absolutely no online presence, though? That’s how you end up on a true crime podcast.

A new survey from ReverseLookup asked 8,800 women across the U.S., U.K., EU, and Latin America about men they’d recently dated or flirted with online. Sixty-seven percent preferred guys who hardly post on social media over the ones documenting every meal, workout, and minor inconvenience.

But there’s a difference between a man who stays off Instagram and one who seems to have materialized out of nowhere.

When researchers showed women dating profiles with different levels of online activity, 72% felt comfortable meeting a guy with an old or mostly private account that had some boring, normal history. That fell to 49% for men with highly active public profiles and just 38% for those with virtually no online presence outside the dating app.

So the guy posting gym selfies every morning isn’t doing himself any favors. According to the survey, a mostly abandoned Facebook page with birthday messages from his aunt and a profile picture from 2019 is a better look.

Women Are Paying Attention to This One Thing Before Agreeing to a Date

A dating profile only tells you so much, and some women aren’t taking a stranger’s word for it. Nearly two-thirds of those surveyed had searched for a man online before meeting him. His name, phone number, photos, and job were all fair game. For 41%, a lack of verifiable information had been enough to delay or reconsider a date.

ReverseLookup, for the record, is a people-search company that benefits when people investigate strangers online. Its survey also focused specifically on women who’d recently interacted with men through online dating, so these findings don’t necessarily reflect what women everywhere want.

The results did reveal an interesting contradiction. Sixty percent of respondents wanted less of their own information searchable online, yet nearly half of those women were uncomfortable dating someone who was equally difficult to find.

It’s understandable, though. A woman knows why she’s keeping her own life private. She doesn’t know why a stranger has no photos, no old accounts, and nothing that confirms the details he’s given her.

Of course, having an online presence doesn’t mean someone is trustworthy. There are creeps with perfectly respectable LinkedIn profiles, too. But when you’re meeting a stranger, you work with whatever information you can find.

The post Men Who Do Less of This Have Better Luck Dating, According to a New Survey appeared first on VICE.

Come November, once Halloween passes and the holidays approach, many singles start taking their dating lives more seriously. With the weather cooling and cuffing season in full swing, some attempt to tie down their current situationships or talking stages, while others go out on the prowl for a more serious connection. Experts call this pattern of behavior the “November Theory.”

With November just around the corner, you might want to familiarize yourself with the concept, so you’re ready for whatever romantic twists this month throws at you.

What Is the November Theory in Dating?

The November Theory essentially positions November as a month when romantic relationships are either dropped or deepened. Many believe Thanksgiving (and the holiday season in general) adds pressure that urges most couples to reflect. In other words, you either choose to strengthen your commitment or jump ship.

“The November Theory in dating has been a relationship ‘test’ of sorts that people have been talking about for years,” says Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking. “The idea is that November kicks off the holiday season, and the holiday season makes or breaks a couple. You are asking yourself questions like, ‘Should I bring this person home to meet the family? Did my family like them? Do I want to start the new year with this person?’”

Oftentimes, romance and relationships are at the forefront of our minds during November. Everything feels more romantic when the temperature cools and the holidays are looming. Even the most jaded of lovers crave cuddles on the couch with steaming mugs of hot chocolate and walks downtown in fresh snow, admiring the holiday lights.

“This is the height of cuffing season,” says Trombetti. “People want to cozy up by the fire, have cute holiday dates with someone, etc., which leads people to think more about their love life.”

And, of course, you might have Mom or Grandma in your ear, asking whether you’ll be showing up alone—yet again—to Thanksgiving dinner. It’s merely impossible to avoid talk of romance and dating during “the most wonderful time of the year,” which arguably starts during November.

“People like having someone to bring home for the holidays,” Trombetti says. “That way you do not get any nosy questions from your aunt on who you are seeing.”

How to Work With the November Theory

The November Theory is a great time to pause and reflect on your romantic life: Are you happy in your current connection? Would you feel good about bringing them home to your family? Or are you realizing you’re not as interested as you were during summertime or spooky season, now that the stakes are higher?

And if you’re single: Are you seeking companionship? Do you want a partner to spend the long, cold winter months with?

“I don’t want anyone to overthink their relationship, but I do think the holidays and the year coming to a close is a good time to assess where you are and where you want things to go,” says Trombetti. “Use this time to your advantage to really think through what you want in the next year. If it is NOT your current partner, then it is time to let them go so they can start moving on (as well as you).”

The post What Is the ‘November Theory’? The Dating Trend That Could Make or Break Your Relationship. appeared first on VICE.