Welcome to RATED AND SLATED, the column that’s terminally online so you don’t have to be.

This week, I’ve been distracting myself from the horrors of a livestreamed war by playing a relaxing new video game which lets you pilot a military drone.

I’ve been enjoying Remote Reaper: FPV Drone so much that I’m packing in the day job to focus on my YouTube channel, where I’ll be streaming myself carrying out combat missions. Subscribe now!

Ukrainian-developed FPV drone simulator “Remote Reaper: FPV Drone” has officially left Early Access, with version 1.0 now available on Steam.

Developed in collaboration with military pilots, the simulator focuses on combat FPV drone operations and introduces several features in… pic.twitter.com/63id2RVJoL

— Drone Wars (@Drone_Wars_) October 13, 2026

I’ll be modding the simulator so that I can drone bomb my favorite cities around the world. I’ve got no time for anyone who says this game could be used to generate military training data or perform real combat operations.

In fact, I’m so confident that this is all just a load of harmless fun that tonight I’ll be sending the reaper to pay a visit to my own home. Tune in live below!

RATED AND SLATED

AI FLIGHT BUDDIES

boy next to me asked chat gpt can he bring his cava on the flight and now he’s having a full on kii with the bot pic.twitter.com/R3m6iJuiG9

— brays★n (@normaIboy) October 13, 2026

If this is the baseline level of AI psychosis for the general population, it won’t be long before you find yourself sitting on a commercial flight next to an LLM fanatic who’s “having a full-on kii with the bot” about how he’s about to hijack the plane—AND YOU MADE IT ON WITH THE BOX CUTTERS TOO MISSION ACCOMPLISHED TWIN NAHHH BUT BE FR… YOU REGRET NOT BRINGING THE BIG SUICIDE JACKET NOW? —oh well, at least you won’t have to worry about popping your ears for much longer.

ROBOT SECURITY DOGS WITH INDIAN ACCENTS

#BREAKING: Absolutely WILD footage has emerged from Atlanta where an apartment complex now uses "robot security dogs" to patrol the area at night.

The robot dogs also seem to speak in Indian accents to the residents.

I've never seen anything like this before… insane!!! pic.twitter.com/deWZZYOS0v

— Matt Van Swol (@mattvanswol) October 14, 2026

Does the robot security dog have this accent because it’s manned by a human operator or because it was abandoned as a pup, stuck in India, living on the streets, surviving, being a tourist guide, smoking on the fucking roads?

3D-PRINTED SALMON

It contains zero fish at all” https://t.co/FHnTiYqJ2Y pic.twitter.com/xoL5rS8Hrk

— 𝕻𝖆𝖓𝖓𝖘𝖙𝖎𝖌𝖆𝖙𝖔𝖗 (@hippyresident) October 13, 2026

I’m sick of going on X and seeing you complaining about 3D-printed salmon. I don’t want to hear that it’s not real meat, that “it contains zero fish at all”—grow up! This looks every bit as appetizing as all those AI-generated food menus. Well, it’s your loss; more for me. In fact, strap me into an eating chair, stick me under the specialized food-grade nozzles, and print those fake layers of muscle and fiber straight into my mouth, layer by layer, until I contain more slop than my own timeline.

THE FUTURE OF JOB INTERVIEWS

Good news. In the future our agents can just talk to each other while we sit alone in our basements and doomscroll. https://t.co/iWZWac8JGo

— Ash Jogalekar (@curiouswavefn) October 14, 2026

To be fair, if my AI agent does the video job interview with the AI recruiter while I’m not in the room, then I’d say that’s actually getting my new employer ready for what I’m going to be like at work: dissociating at my desk before vanishing off for 40-minute shits on company time. My agent had better work on his innocent face for when he’s asked who blocked the toilet in the gender-neutral restroom with partially digested 3D-printed salmon.

GOD’S OWN INFLUENCER

Belarus has blessed its first AI-generated religious icon

The icon depicts Carlo Acutis, an Italian teenager who was canonized in 2025 and became known as the “Cyber Apostle.”

The icon was installed in a Catholic church in Novolukoml, where Archbishop Tadeusz Kondrusiewicz… pic.twitter.com/vawCVEK8aX

— NEXTA (@nexta_tv) October 12, 2026

I know Cyber-Apostle of the Eucharist Saint Carlo Acutis isn’t technically “alive” anymore, but what’s to stop him from being the Pope? Maybe the real reason Leo XIV hates AI so much is that, like the rest of us, he’s worried it’s going to steal his job.

MARK ZUCKERBERG PRETENDING TO ENJOY GUINNESS

Mark Zuckerberg pretending to enjoy Guinness is my new favourite thing. pic.twitter.com/y570hFF0V6

— Mark Malone (@soundmigration) October 12, 2026

Pintbaby Is Now 42, You Won’t Believe What He Looks Like Now.

3 small mercies

“WHERE IS GONE?”

rosalía making her first fully english song and accidentally entering the lana del rey cinematic universe pic.twitter.com/b2PNwHbv1n https://t.co/IenqacTvvk

— ໊ (@dieforyous) October 13, 2026

This melancholy duet sounds as if it could’ve been written to be Fontaines D.C. frontman Grian Chatten’s dream collaboration with Lana Del Rey, if only she wasn’t too busy recording a GTA VI radio station with her airboat captain husband to jump on the track. Fortunately, ROSALÍA was free to cut a yearning vocal take—presumably because there was no one around to take her on the alligator tour she’d originally planned for the day.

CAMERONWINTER.FILM

Bourgeois darling Paul Thomas Anderson strikes again, this time w a toothless, derivative, anti-revolutionary concert film devoted to saccharine young nepo-psyop Cameron Winter. In these trying times, Anderson chooses to mock liberatory aesthetics w grainy anesthetic 35mm slop. https://t.co/UMgBTaXfwa

— brent___x (@brentmichaelcox) October 14, 2026

Want a sad night out with the boys? Well, great news: The Cameron Winter concert film is coming to a cinema near you. Why not cheer up your pals by buying the official Live at Carnegie Hall grand piano popcorn bucket? Stick it on your lap, tell ’em to reach to the bottom, and then you, too, can bust out the falsetto.

THE RETURN OF GIRLS

they should have adam die in a peleton accident https://t.co/9DgQg07M0h

— Rose Dommu (@rosedommu) October 13, 2026

If you promise to reboot Girls every ten years, then I will commit to the internet’s most stringent longevity protocol. I need to be around to see what happens to the bloodlines of Hannah, Marnie, Jessa, and Shoshanna. You will find me in the hyperbaric chamber 100 years from now, watching their febrile descendants resort to increasingly extreme measures to keep their little dreams alive amidst the spectacular, decayed opulence of a futuristic New York City. By that point, I’ll be the last millennial alive, the only person in the world who still believes that Lena Dunham is the voice of our generation.

Follow Adam on Instagram @yungtolstoi

The post The Internet Is a Cruel and Enticing Place, Week #1237 appeared first on VICE.

Welcome to RATED AND SLATED, the column that is terminally online so you don’t have to be.

I’m quick to overestimate my own intelligence, but I wasn’t prepared for what would happen when I asked ChatGPT how smart I really am.

I wanted to know what percentile of intelligence I fall into compared to other AI users. I wanted the all-knowing machine to “be honest,” but it was just mean.

https://t.co/ATiUzrV2rD pic.twitter.com/zUeAa8JIf7

— emerson (@emerson_toomey) October 6, 2026

I didn’t mind being told that “I wouldn’t put you at, say, the 99.9th percentile based on our conversations.” I can accept that I “don’t consistently exhibit the kind of extreme formal/mathematical abstraction abilities, painstaking logical derivation, or encyclopedic technical knowledge that would lead me to make that claim.”

But when it explained that the fact I was even asking this question meant there was something seriously wrong with my cognitive processes, and that I probably shouldn’t be trusted to use a computer unattended, I began to realize it was lying to me.

I don’t know how it reached that conclusion. I mean, the only thing I use a computer for is writing this column.

rated and slated

JUDGING #SPICYBOOKSTAGRAM BY ITS TERRIBLE MUSIC TASTE

Instagram reels just showed me a guy who makes 'smutstep' for the booktok crowd and it is the funniest thing I have ever watched pic.twitter.com/PKcCswSEDm

— jaxonloid (@jaxonloid) October 5, 2026

I’m sure Darq Dagr’s “smutstep” songs sound great if you still listen to early Skrillex and read Fifty Shades of Grey, but for anyone else, this will have you pulling out used tampons and sticking them in your ears.

GO WOKE OR… GO TO WAR

No fatties.
No trannies.
No beardos.
No weirdoes.
No wimps.
No radicals — JUST WARRIORS. pic.twitter.com/mDktwOmn6F

— Pete Hegseth (@PeteHegseth) October 1, 2026

Is it just me, or does Just Warriors sound suspiciously like the internet’s most patriotic adult entertainment platform? I certainly wouldn’t put this past the ever-enterprising Trump administration—and what better way to pledge allegiance than with a star-spangled butt plug?

DRAGON DRONES

The insane landscape of modern drone warfare. Including "dragon drones" dropping molten iron (thermite) onto structures and trenches. pic.twitter.com/QRbeW2ffuE

— Donald Mitchell (@DonaldPMitchell) October 4, 2026

Technology sets us apart from the medieval peasantry, who looked fearfully upon uncharted territory and exclaimed: “Here be dragons.” Now that we’ve mapped out the entire world, it’s clear it holds nothing to be afraid of. There are no mythological monsters lying in wait to destroy us. So instead, we’ve built them ourselves, brutal, mechanized killing machines that rain down fiery death from the skies. But don’t worry about ever being lost again; we’ve got surveillance systems that can find you anywhere, anytime. Thank god the same people are in control of both, or we’d be doomed.

MORE LIKE THE VIRGINMAKER, AMIRITE?

JUST IN: 16-year-old has to be rescued from British Columbia’s “Widowmaker” mountain after reportedly letting Claude map out the hike, leading him off trail. pic.twitter.com/WN313ZWWs1

— Polymarket (@Polymarket) October 6, 2026

I wouldn’t expect a 16-year-old boy to appreciate the perils of vibe-mountaineering. If you’ve never been in a relationship, how could you know that a rock formation known as the “Widowmaker” might be dangerous? It’s a good thing search and rescue were on hand, otherwise somewhere in America an AI anime chatbot waifu would be sleeping alone tonight.

LEGAL BLOW ENERGY

wtf did I just come across pic.twitter.com/ct0rFUGn6a

— hawa ツ (@sknnysuge) October 6, 2026

When you’re done comprehensively deviating your septum by snorting powdered caffeine rather than just drinking it like a normal person, perhaps you’d be interested in my latest business venture: “Smack” is the viral instant relaxation hack that fits snugly in your pocket. Just shoot up throughout the day, whenever you need it. No need to call the cops! It’s just baking soda, mostly.

ANDREW TATE COURT DOCUMENTS

Wild Andrew Tate claims include 'extreme porn,' bestiality pics with horse and eel as disturbing full allegations revealed https://t.co/mxYVhJNlpd pic.twitter.com/xwYkK7Wh5q

— New York Post (@nypost) October 6, 2026

If you’ve spent any meaningful length of time in the UK, you will know that the only place horse meat belongs is in a frozen lasagna.

3 small mercies

“CONSUMER”

Blackhaine⁰Saints In The Wethouse⁰Debut album⁰13.11.26⁰XL Recordings⁰⁰Consumer out now.⁰⁰Produced by Wraith9⁰Additional vocals by Mad Cobra⁰⁰Pre-order / pre-save: https://t.co/Jv3h7EiTjM pic.twitter.com/iMjY6rCBLv

— XL RECORDINGS (@XLRECORDINGS) October 1, 2026

The streamlined violence of Blackhaine’s new single carries the fingerprints of merciless producer Wraith9, whose signature tag has been a life-ruining vocal stim for me. I thought it couldn’t get any worse, but then that Mad Cobra sample dropped and now I can’t stop channeling the dancehall icon’s vocal catchphrase either. Fingers crossed none of my loved ones will have any pressing questions that can’t be satisfactorily answered by “OK!” or “YUSH!” over the next few weeks.

OLIVIA COLMAN’S RUNWAY DEBUT

thee olivia colman walking for the miu miu ss'27 show by miuccia prada. pic.twitter.com/w3Hs7l8JxG

— izzah (@izzah_vl) October 4, 2026

So it appears that Sophie from Peep Show is now modeling at Paris Fashion Week. I was going to make a joke about how Jeremy won’t like it when Mark comes home wearing his new designer suit that she chose for him. But anyone who appreciates this reference will probably be struggling to drag their own wardrobe into the 21st century (with its meaningless logos and ironic veneration of tyrants).

RELATIONSHIP GOALS (ANGRY HONEY BADGER EDITION)

Stoffel, a honey badger, was so determined to fight the lions next door that he kept escaping. When his keepers gave him a female partner to distract him, he used her to climb out again. pic.twitter.com/3SrdMR5UzH

— TVP (@Theveripost) October 6, 2026

You know it’s love when your girlfriend lets you climb on her back so you can get a better shot at your enemies. Come here darling, the lions next door are posting again and I’m ready to fight.

Follow Adam on Instagram @yungtolstoi

The post The Internet Is a Dark and Shameful Place, Week #856 appeared first on VICE.