A like is about the smallest thing you can do on the internet. It takes half a second to double-tap someone’s photo, and you probably won’t remember doing it five minutes later. Your partner, however, could have a few questions about why you’re liking someone else’s half-naked pictures.

Australian fitness influencer Steph Claire Smith recently discussed it on her podcast, saying she couldn’t care less if her husband, Josh, likes pictures of other women in bikinis. “He thinks I’m the hottest thing in the entire world,” she said. The internet, as always, had thoughts. Some praised her confidence, while others called her a “pick me” girl.

That’s the thing about social media likes. One person sees a harmless double-tap, while another wonders why their partner is giving so much attention to someone they find attractive. Neither necessarily knows what the other person is thinking.

Why Liking Someone Else’s Thirst Traps Can Be a Bigger Deal Than You Think

A survey of 2,000 British adults found that only 6% considered liking another person’s social media post a form of infidelity. But when Bustle asked 283 readers what they considered cheating, Instagram likes were among the behaviors people couldn’t agree on.

One reader explained that liking someone’s photo could be an attempt to get their attention or something completely innocent, “and there’s no way to know which one it is.”

That’s how a mindless Instagram like can become an argument about trust. Your partner could be scrolling through photos on the toilet and barely paying attention, or they could be hoping the ridiculously attractive person they’ve been following for six months notices them. From the outside, both look exactly the same.

Intent matters here, too. As Psychology Today explains, flirting online can fall into what’s called micro-cheating. And if you’ve already caught your partner sneaking around in someone’s DMs, seeing them liking that person’s half-naked photos is probably going to piss you off.

Curiosity can get the better of you, too, especially when Instagram gives you so many opportunities to snoop. Researchers found that spending more time on Facebook was associated with greater romantic jealousy, which encouraged people to check up on their partners even more. Co-author Amy Muise described it as a “feedback loop.”

Anyone who’s spent too long scrolling through their partner’s following list knows how easy it is to get carried away. As awkward as it might be, you could just ask them straight up.

Couples therapist Biannka Brannigan told Body+Soul that “something that felt perfectly acceptable yesterday might feel uncomfortable today.” So if your partner’s Instagram habits are bothering you, there’s nothing crazy about bringing it up. Just be prepared to hear that they might see things differently.

Some couples couldn’t care less about bikini photos. For others, liking them crosses a line. The important thing is that both people know where the other stands.

The post Is Liking Someone Else’s Thirst Traps Cheating? Here’s What Relationship Experts Say. appeared first on VICE.

Few topics get men online as heated as what happened to their penis when they were a few days old. Circumcision has inspired years of arguments over sexual pleasure and sensitivity, with both sides convinced they’ve got the better deal. Now, researchers have revisited the science, and the bad news is the findings probably won’t settle the debate.

A 2025 analysis of 15 studies involving nearly 15,000 men found something that might surprise people on both sides. Circumcised men reported slightly higher sexual satisfaction and erectile function scores, along with less pain during sex. But as Psychology Today reported, the differences were small, and researchers couldn’t say whether they’d make any noticeable difference in someone’s actual sex life.

The findings aren’t exactly a reason to run out and get circumcised. The differences were small, and the studies didn’t always agree. Even the researchers weren’t sure how much those differences would mean during sex. A guy who’s perfectly happy with his sex life isn’t going to learn about his own experience from a statistical average.

Circumcised Men May Have a Slight Advantage in Bed, New Research Suggests

Earlier studies have been inconsistent. Some men reported problems with sexual pleasure after circumcision, while others noticed little change. Depending on how researchers recruited participants, they may have heard disproportionately from men with strong opinions about the procedure. That’s a pretty difficult thing to account for when you’re asking people to rate something as personal as sex.

Sensitivity has been another source of argument for years. In 2016, researchers at Queen’s University tested 62 men to see how their penises responded to touch and heat. They checked several areas, including the glans and, where present, the foreskin, but didn’t find significant differences in the sensitivity measures they compared between circumcised and uncircumcised men.

“It was my hope that this study would calm people’s fears,” researcher Jennifer Bossio told VICE. Critics questioned whether 62 participants were enough to detect differences. And even if you can measure how sensitive someone’s penis is to heat or touch, that doesn’t necessarily explain how much pleasure they experience during sex.

The American Academy of Pediatrics weighed in back in 2012, saying that circumcision has certain health benefits, although they weren’t significant enough to recommend it for every newborn boy. That policy has since expired. For many families, the decision has as much to do with religious or cultural traditions as with medical advice.

For most men circumcised as infants, somebody else made that decision years ago. And for men who weren’t circumcised, there’s no reason to look at these findings and assume they’re missing out on something. The research doesn’t establish that either group is guaranteed a better sex life, and having a foreskin certainly isn’t a sexual disadvantage by default.

If you’re happy with your sex life, there’s no reason to start questioning your penis because some dude on Reddit thinks theirs is better.

The post Does Being Circumcised Make Sex Better or Worse? Here’s What Science Says. appeared first on VICE.

Working with your ex is far from ideal. In fact, it’s likely the reason most workers avoid dating their colleagues in the first place. But sometimes, love has other plans, and we get swept up in a workplace romance—which unfortunately often leads to a workplace breakup.

If you’re in this unfortunate situation, here are six ways to survive a workplace breakup.

1. Agree on Boundaries 

Boundaries matter in every breakup, but they matter even more in workplace relationships. Take time to discuss your boundaries and limits with your ex before telling coworkers about your breakup.

“One of the most crucial first steps is to discuss your workplace boundaries,” says HR expert Martin Balcome at Bridgewater Talent Integration. “If it was an amicable breakup, you might be able to carry on working together as normal, though this can become harder if one of you starts seeing someone else. For a more difficult and emotional breakup, you might need more space.”

2. Prepare for Awkward Encounters

No matter how mature, friendly, or accommodating you and your ex are, you’ll still face awkward moments as you navigate your breakup—especially as colleagues. 

“You don’t need to pretend that everything is fine, but seeing them unexpectedly can be a shock, so simply being prepared with a default greeting or response can make your interaction less awkward,” Balcome says.

 3. Don’t Involve Your Coworkers

Though it might be tempting to vent to your work bestie about the ins and outs of your breakup, avoid sharing too much with your coworkers.

“Keep your venting away from the workplace, rather than telling colleagues everything,” says Balcome. “Office gossip can quickly spread and turn your breakup into the hottest topic of conversation, so try not to rely on co-workers as an emotional support group.”

4. Separate Your Feelings From Your Performance

As someone who’s been through a few gut-wrenching breakups (with individuals who thankfully weren’t my coworkers), I know firsthand how difficult it is to focus on work when you’re actively grieving. That said, don’t let your feelings sabotage your career and performance.

“Try to arrange your day so important tasks can be done when there is less chance of being emotionally triggered, or [start] small habits like going for a short walk or practicing quick mindfulness techniques after interacting with them, to reset emotions and bring your focus back to work,” Balcome recommends. “Your career exists independently of your relationship, no matter how closely you work, so it’s essential to protect your performance from your emotions and not let the breakup take over.” 

5. Treat Your Ex Like a Colleague, Not an Ex

Just as it’s nearly impossible to see your ex as “just a friend” after a breakup, it’s hard to see them as “just a coworker.” But even if you can’t convince your heart of this shift in roles, your actions must reflect the demotion. 

Whether you’re their senior or at the same level on your work team, Balcombe warns against treating your ex differently after the breakup. Don’t retaliate, criticize their work more harshly, or overcompensate by giving them special treatment. Act like they’re just another coworker—because, in the workplace, that’s exactly what they are. 

6. Let Yourself Grieve

Just because you’re at work doesn’t mean you won’t experience grief when you bump into your ex. You don’t want your emotions to overshadow your hard work, but you also don’t want to suppress them entirely.

“Don’t try to force yourself to switch off your emotions from 9–5; just concentrate on getting through the workday in a way that protects your emotional well-being as well as your career and professional reputation,” says Balcome. “Give it time, and eventually, your ex will simply become another colleague.”

The post 6 Ways to Survive Working With Your Ex, According to an HR Expert appeared first on VICE.

Comfort in a relationship is a great achievement, but too much of anything can be harmful. Are you worried you or your partner have grown too comfortable—perhaps even complacent—in your relationship? Here are six warning signs to look out for.

1. You Rarely Make an Effort With Intimacy

According to Claire Perelman, a Certified Sex Therapist and Licensed Clinical Social Worker, you’ll know you’re too comfortable in your relationship if this sounds familiar: “Every time you initiate sex, it’s 11 PM at night, and you’re both wearing sweatpants while watching TV.”

Sure, there’s nothing necessarily wrong with this scenario—but it can lead to complacency and a stale sex life.

“Becoming ‘too comfortable’ in a relationship isn’t actually about hearing your partner fart or smelling their BO. It’s when we stop putting in any effort into the relationship and expect it to continue to thrive,” Perelman says. “And when this happens, it will absolutely negatively impact your sex life.”

“Sex needs intention, effort, and time,” Perelman continues. “It’s clear we are ‘too comfortable’ in our relationship when we stop making the space for sex to exist, and start expecting our partner to get turned on without doing any context setting for a connected, fun, flirty time together.”

2. You Assume Your Partner Isn’t Going Anywhere

While security is important in a relationship, it shouldn’t be an excuse to stop trying. In fact, it should motivate you to continue investing in your connection.

“It’s not that you want to live in a hyper-vigilant state, always in fear they will leave,” says Amanda Jablon, LCSW, a California-based psychotherapist. “It’s that it leads to you taking what you have for granted.”

3. You’re No Longer Curious About Your Partner

Some of the most exciting parts of dating are the deep questions and conversations. This curiosity doesn’t have to end just because you’ve been with your partner some time. There will always be more to learn about each other.

“Assuming you know your partner so well that you know how their day went, what they like in bed, and how they’ll respond to each request is a recipe for disconnection,” says Perelman. “When we are first in relationships, we are endlessly curious about each other; there is a whole new universe to explore seated right across the dinner table! But once we settle into a relationship, and possibly become ‘too comfortable,’ we can risk not being curious anymore. Eventually, this leads the relationship to feel stale, isolating, and deeply lonely.”

4. You Rarely Express Your Gratitude

Never assume your partner knows how much you appreciate them—show them as often as you can, and remind yourself how lucky you are to have someone to do life with.

“You chose this person for a reason. Over time, we get used to what we’re given and stop being grateful for it,” says Jablon. “You stop saying thank you, or worse, stop thinking you need to. Not feeling appreciated is one of the biggest sources of conflict I see in couples therapy. Noticing the small things your partner does, and who they are, makes a world of difference.”

5. You Only Discuss Logistics on Dates

Planning regular dates is crucial to maintaining a connection with your partner, but they lose meaning when you spend them discussing mundane tasks or logistics like chores, finances, etc.

“Discussing logistics—who needs to pick up the kids, what state the laundry is in, etc.—is an integral part of a functioning relationship,” says Perelman. “However, when that becomes the only thing you’re discussing—especially when you’re out on a date—it pretty quickly leads to feelings of disconnection and dissatisfaction. Lots of couples do this, and it can stem from feeling so comfortable in the relationship that you believe you have already gotten to know ‘everything’ about your partner.”

Instead, try being curious, as noted above. Ask your partner questions you haven’t explored in some time, or have them fill you in on their latest thoughts, feelings, and opinions.

“I’d encourage couples to start introducing ‘no-logistics’ dates and see how things begin to shift,” Perelman says. 

6. You Stopped Taking Care of Yourself

Complacency is common within long-term relationships. As such, we might stop taking care of ourselves, prioritizing our passions, putting effort into date nights, or investing in our future.

“Feeling loved and accepted is wonderful, but you still need to invest in yourself: your physical health, your mental health, the things that help you grow as an individual,” says Jablon. “Partners who keep growing bring more to the relationship.”

The post 6 Signs You’ve Gotten Too Comfortable in Your Relationship, According to Therapists appeared first on VICE.

If you asked men what they think women want, you’d probably hear some overgeneralized crap about money, being at least 6’2″, having a nice body, and probably money again. The actual answers women gave are cheaper than any of that and much harder to fake

Licensed counselor Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., asked 108 women what they wanted from the men in their lives. It was a small, informal survey, but the answers were remarkably consistent. Women kept coming back to one request: listen to us. They also wanted respect and emotional support. Very few had anything to say about looks or the size of a man’s paycheck.

Some of it really shouldn’t need explaining to grown men, but alas.

1. Put the Toolbox Down

One woman said she wanted “understanding and empathetic listening without trying to fix things.” Basically, she wants to complain about her day without her boyfriend explaining how he would’ve handled it better.

You’ve probably seen the viral video It’s Not About the Nail, where a woman has an actual nail sticking out of her forehead while her boyfriend keeps trying to explain the source of her discomfort. It’s an exaggeration, sure, but the point is that sometimes we don’t want to hear anything other than “I’m sorry that’s happening to you, that really sucks.” We know there’s a damn nail.

2. Help Out Without Being Asked

Women also wanted partners who shared responsibilities and participated in decisions. And we’re talking about all the boring stuff that is life. 

Remembering to schedule that oil change appointment, for example. Or noticing you’re out of toilet paper and buying more before the other person has to ask. After a while, if you’re the only person responsible for remembering everything, it gets old, especially when you’re living with another full-ass adult.

3. Respect Shouldn’t Be This Difficult

Respect was another big one. Women consistently mentioned wanting their opinions and goals to be taken seriously. They wanted to be treated as equals, plain and simple. 

One respondent described wanting “to feel heard and respected,” and another emphasized loyalty and accountability. You should be able to disagree with your partner without insulting her intelligence or acting like you “know better’ than she does. 

4. She Wants to Feel Comfortable Being Herself

Feeling safe with a man was another recurring theme in the survey. And women were mostly talking about emotional safety. They wanted to be able to tell their partners what was bothering them without getting laughed at, criticized, or having it thrown back in their faces during the next argument.

One respondent wanted the freedom to pursue interests without being discouraged by her partner’s expectations. If your girlfriend decides at 45 that she’d like to take up roller derby, it doesn’t matter if you think her knees can’t take it. Become her cheerleader and amp her up. 

5. It’s Not Necessarily About the Money

Women get labeled as “gold-diggers” all the time. And there are certainly women who are after that. But overall, women just want to feel that sense of security. In a large 2020 study spanning 45 countries, researchers found that women generally placed greater importance on a potential partner’s financial prospects than men did.

But there’s a difference between wanting a wealthy partner and wanting one who’s motivated to do something with his life. Ambition, a decent work ethic, and the ability to support yourself can offer a sense of security that has very little to do with the size of your bank account. A guy who’s working toward something is far more attractive than one with a trust fund and absolutely no desire to get off the couch.

And judging by Degges-White’s survey, all the money in the world won’t make up for being an awful partner.

The post What Women Really Want From Men, According to 108 Women appeared first on VICE.

Attachment styles have become the zodiac signs of modern dating. People are identifying as anxiously attached or dismissive-avoidant before they’ve even exchanged last names. Knowing your own attachment style is great, I guess, but understanding your partner’s could explain why you keep rehashing the same argument.

Psychologist Hal Shorey, Ph.D., recently wrote in Psychology Today that relationship issues can come from assuming your partner is deliberately trying to hurt you. He sees this in couples therapy all the time, especially when one person is anxiously attached, and the other is avoidant. As Amir Levine and Rachel Heller wrote in Attached, “Anxious and avoidant people can bring out the worst in each other.”

You can probably picture it. One person wants to talk right now, while the other would prefer to spend six hours doing literally anything else. The anxious partner gets upset, the avoidant partner withdraws, and both are convinced they’re dating an a**hole.

Shorey says knowing your partner’s attachment style can help you recognize what’s happening before an ordinary disagreement becomes a three-day ordeal. He also emphasizes that understanding someone’s behavior “does not mean you excuse, ignore, or accept that the behavior will continue.” Being avoidant isn’t permission to disappear whenever your girlfriend asks a question.

5 Ways to Keep Your Attachment Styles From Taking Over Every Argument

• Stop assuming they’re trying to piss you off. If a partner goes silent during an argument, it can feel insulting, but they may just be overwhelmed. You can still tell them how their silence affects you.
• Take a break without disappearing. Marriage and family therapist Laura Heck told HuffPost that taking at least 20 minutes to cool off can help when emotions run high. Agree to finish the conversation later. 
• Reassure the person who’s worrying. It takes literally two seconds to send a text that you’re running late. That small gesture can do wonders for an anxious partner whose brain jumps to the worst-case scenario. It also reminds them you care, even during arguments.
• Pay attention to your own reactions. It’s easy to blame your partner for every argument and not take accountability for your own contributions. Levine told CNN that recognizing your reactions when a relationship feels threatened can help you become more secure.
• Don’t diagnose yourselves with a five-minute quiz. Shorey recommends an assessment by a psychologist trained in attachment. An online questionnaire shouldn’t decide your personality.

Attachment styles aren’t permanent assignments, either. Sex therapist Todd Baratz told Nylon, “People often talk about attachment in a very reductive way, in a very oversimplified way.” People can change how they respond to closeness and conflict as they get older.

Knowing why your partner shuts down during arguments could save you both some frustration. You’ll still have to learn how to talk to each other, though. Memorizing a few psychological terms won’t do that for you.

The post Why You Keep Having the Same Fight With Your Partner, According to a Psychologist appeared first on VICE.

The spouse who “suddenly” wants a divorce has probably been thinking about it for months, sometimes years. Meanwhile, the other person is still making vacation plans and assuming everything’s fine. Sadly, you’ve been having two completely different experiences in the same marriage.

Marriage therapist Michele Weiner-Davis has written that people sometimes spend years preparing to leave a marriage. Looking back, there might have been signs. Unfortunately, those signs are harder to recognize when you think everything is fine.

1. They’re Making Plans Without You

A separate savings account or major financial decisions made without your input could warrant a conversation. A recent Psychology Today article identifies growing independence as a possible sign that a spouse is preparing to leave.

Your partner can have their own goals. But discovering they’ve been making major life decisions without telling you is an uncomfortable way to realize you’re no longer included in their plans.

2. They Stop Doing the Little Things

Remember when your partner used to bring you coffee or make sure you had dinner if you had to work late? Those gestures can become so routine that you hardly notice them. Until they disappear.

The Gottman Institute found that couples still married six years after their wedding responded to each other’s attempts at connection 86% of the time, compared with 33% among couples who divorced. The coffee seems insignificant, but the attention behind it matters a lot.

3. They Don’t Seem Interested in Touching You

Any marriage can go through dry spells without anybody considering divorce. But when an affectionate partner starts avoiding physical contact altogether, it’s not insane to wonder what’s happening.

Marriage and family therapist Laura Heck told HuffPost that a withdrawing partner’s “body language may be closed off and they may offer zero verbal feedback in conversation.” If there are too many unanswered attempts at affection, you might stop trying, too.

4. You Don’t Even Fight Anymore

After years of arguing about the same things, your partner has stopped putting up much of a fight. You might even feel relieved that you’re finally getting along. But really, they’ve grown so tired of asking for things to change that they’ve given up trying to convince you.

Licensed marriage and family therapist Sharon Yu told Scary Mommy that an unhappy spouse might initially raise concerns gently, then become more direct, and eventually stop bringing them up altogether. If your partner has spent years asking for changes and now seems indifferent, it’s probably time to ask why.

5. They Start Asking if You’re Happy

Sometimes your spouse practically hands you an opportunity to talk about your marriage, and you miss it.

A question like “Are you happy with us?” might catch you off guard if you thought things were going well. But there’s a reason they’re asking. A casual “Yeah, we’re good” could be discouraging if they’ve spent weeks working up the nerve to say something.

Work stress or exhaustion can also affect how affectionate and communicative people are. But several changes happening together could be a big warning sign. As licensed marriage and family therapist Lisa Brookes Kift told Fox News Digital, “If one has fully checked out, they will not be open to repair.”

It’s hard to work on a marriage when you have no idea the other person has been unhappy for years. By the time you find out, they might have little interest in trying again.

The post 5 Signs Your Spouse Is Mentally Checking Out of Your Marriage appeared first on VICE.

Marriage is a major life and relationship milestone—a decision worth taking seriously. While some people dream of tying the knot with their soulmate and fantasize about their future wedding from a young age, others take a more practical, or even cynical, approach to the long-term commitment. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, you likely understand the weight that marriage carries.

If you’re approaching that time in your life and relationship and feel ready to take the next steps and deepen your commitment, you’ll want to make sure you’re in the right place—with the right person—before jumping into a life together. Amie Leadingham, a Master Certified Relationship Coach with over 10+ of experience, shared four important questions to ask yourself before tying the knot with your partner.

1. Does Your Partner Meet Your Non-Negotiables?

Being in love is just one prerequisite of marriage. Before writing your vows, consider your non-negotiables and whether your partner actually meets them.

“These are the core values and needs you require to be aligned with your partner in order to have a happy relationship,” Leadingham explains. “They’re your must-haves, like: Do we want a family? Is our financial outlook the same?”

Being on the same page about your values and goals is crucial before making such a long-term, serious commitment.

2. Do You Share the Same Life Goals?

No matter how much you might love your partner, you can’t force compatibility. Before making the life-altering decision to get married, make sure your future goals align.

“It’s important to know that you both are on the same path in life,” says Leadingham. “So many people get married and years later discover that one person wanted a family and the other person didn’t.”

Unfortunately, this is often how resentment builds: one person gives up their dreams or life goals for the other, prioritizing their connection above their own happiness. Over time, that regret and bitterness can destroy even the healthiest of relationships.

3. How Well Do You Navigate Conflict and Repair?

Conflict is inevitable in relationships; what matters most is how you repair after it. If you and your partner can’t compromise, consider each other’s perspectives, or reconnect after an argument, you may want to pump the brakes on any long-term decisions.

“As much as we think relationships [are] all about love, it’s the difficult moments and how we repair them [that keep] a couple together,” says Leadingham.

4. Do You Feel Safe With Your Partner?

Safety is one of the most important facets of a relationship—but not just physical safety. Emotional safety, trust, stability, and security all point to a healthy, empowering connection.

“Your nervous system plays a big part in telling you whether the relationship is right for you,” says Leadingham. “If you are in constant fight, flight, or freeze and unable to share your real truths, that is a red flag sign that this might not be your person.”

Marry someone you can be your most authentic self with—someone who doesn’t expect you to perform all the time. Your spouse will likely see you through your darkest moments: sickness, financial insecurity, the loss of your parents, etc. Can you imagine your current partner showing up for you through that grief? If not, maybe it’s time to have some hard conversations.

The post 4 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Getting Married, According to a Relationship Coach appeared first on VICE.

Many long-term couples fall into a rut at some point in their relationship, believing their lack of a sex life means they’ve lost attraction to each other. But oftentimes, this isn’t actually the case—and even if it is, it’s usually more complex than “I no longer think they’re hot.” (Unless, of course, you’re only with your partner for shallow reasons.)

Love and attraction go far beyond the physical. For example, a deep emotional connection, safety, mystery, spontaneity, personal confidence…these all play into our ability to feel sexual toward another person.

If you’re feeling less attracted to your partner, it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed.

Why You Suddenly Feel Unattracted to Your Partner

Losing attraction to your partner can feel like a death sentence for your relationship, but many factors play into attraction and chemistry.

“There are MANY reasons someone might lose attraction to their partner, and 99% of them pertain to the person themself as well as to changing dynamics in a relationship,” says Lauren Goldstein, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and relationship therapist.

For example, you may feel more stressed at work, insecure in your own body, or emotionally disconnected from your partner.

“All relationships change, and once you get out of the honeymoon phase of a relationship (which is about 6 months-2 years), you often find yourself managing big responsibilities together, navigating household duties and possibly coparenting,” Goldstein explains. “And suddenly you’re seeing each other in very unsexy ways, having breakfast in your ugly pajamas AGAIN and wishing for some excitement.”

As they say, relationships take work—and sometimes, so does attraction. It’s not always that you no longer find your partner to be handsome or beautiful, but rather that you’ve fallen into a mundane routine with them. Maybe they’ve lost the same passion and spontaneity they once had, or perhaps you’re slipping into a parenting role while they spend most of their time on the couch.

“Plenty of other things can chip away at attraction, too: attachment styles, your relationship with your body, mental health issues, not feeling sexy for any number of reasons, and dynamics in your partnership,” says Goldstein. “Usually it comes back to what’s going on inside the individual, not the partner.”

How to Navigate a Loss of Attraction in Relationships

If you fear you’ve lost attraction to your partner, this usually says more about your connection and relationship dynamic than about their physical appearance. Here’s how to address the issue.

1. Identify the Disconnect

Attraction can fade over time for several reasons, from personal insecurity to overemphasis on looks to emotional distance in the relationship. 

“Start by figuring out the root cause, look inward rather than blaming your partner, and explore any issues that are causing stress because often stress or anxiety is one of the culprits,” says Goldstein. “Then get curious about what helps you feel attraction, what gets your juices flowing, and do more of that.”

2. Add Some Mystery to the Relationship

Many times, people assume they’ve lost attraction to their partner when really, their sex life is just falling into a rut. Anyone in a long-term relationship can experience this.

“A really solid relationship requires security and safety, but eroticism needs mystery and uncertainty in order to thrive,” says Goldstein. “So you have to figure out how to cultivate a balance between the two, and sometimes you become business partners first, and the sexiness falls [by] the wayside.”

3. Communicate Honestly and Gently

Of course, the best way to address any relationship issue is by communicating with your partner. However, talking about your apparent lack of attraction to them can feel uncomfortable and downright hurtful. Thankfully, there’s a better way to broach the subject.

“The best way to bring it up with your partner is to really understand it first, and then tell your partner you’re struggling with how to maintain desire in a relationship, that you’re working on understanding yourself better, and that you’d love to share what you learn and work on it together,” says Goldstein. “Provide reassurance to your partner that they didn’t suddenly become less desirable. Turning toward them instead of blaming them is always the way to go.”

The post 3 Ways to Navigate Losing Attraction to Your Partner, According to a Sex Therapist appeared first on VICE.

First dates are still pretty much the same awkward round of questions they’ve always been. Where’d you grow up? What do you do for work? Have you watched anything good lately? Two drinks in, you know he works in finance and loves The Sopranos, but you have no idea whether he handles conflict like an adult or disappears for three days when he gets upset.

Dating coach and TikTok creator Sabrina Zohar thinks people should get a little nosier. In a video with over 534,000 views, she shared three questions she thinks everyone should ask on a first date. And if the thought of asking them makes you want to crawl under the table, she thinks you might have some emotional availability issues of your own.

1. “Who is the first person that you call when everything is either going right or going wrong?”

Zohar says someone who can’t name a person, or insists on handling everything themselves, may struggle to open up emotionally. Some people are perfectly comfortable handling things on their own. Others would rather jump off a cliff than admit they need emotional support. What you’re really listening for is how someone talks about the people they trust, if any.

2. “What is a belief that you’ve outgrown in the last few years?”

She’s looking for what she calls “self-reflection and ego flexibility.” In other words, can this person admit they’ve changed their mind? Can they recognize that their 25-year-old self was occasionally an idiot? You’d hope so. A guy who still thinks every opinion he’s ever had was correct is exhausting…and a big red flag.

3. “What is something that you’re working on within yourself right now that you’re proud of?”

And Zohar has little patience for generic self-improvement speeches. “I don’t want them to say, Oh, I’m just working on becoming a better person. Too f****** vague,” she said. She wants an actual example, like someone recognizing they used to shut down during arguments and are trying to handle difficult conversations without leaving the room.

The comments were split, with some people wondering who the hell wants to get into all of this with someone they met 20 minutes ago.

“Great questions. But too heavy for a first date,” one commenter wrote. Another commenter suggested asking, “Approximately how old is the Earth and what shape is it?” She’s joking, but that would honestly give you a solid idea if you’re on the same page about beliefs and life, in general. 

People might be giving first-date strangers too little credit, though. In one study, researchers had strangers discuss personal topics and found that participants expected those conversations to be much more awkward than they turned out to be. They also underestimated how interested the other person would be in hearing their answers.

You probably don’t need to ask about childhood trauma before you’ve even ordered food. But tossing one of these questions into the usual work-and-how-much-you-hate-dating-apps conversation could make the evening way more productive—for both of you.

Besides, you’ve probably sat through enough first dates listening to a man explain his job in excruciating detail. You might as well find out if he can actually feel anything.

The post 3 Questions That Could Tell You If Your Date Is Ready for an Adult Relationship appeared first on VICE.

Ask any woman who’s been on hormonal birth control for half their life how it’s going, and you’ll probably get a long sigh before you get an answer. Meanwhile, the guys she’s sleeping with have the same two options their dads had. Condoms or a vasectomy. Quite the selection.

Men seem ready for something better, too. A survey published in Andrology found that 61% of men across seven countries would try a new male contraceptive within its first year on the market. In the U.S., interest jumped from 39% to 49% after the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade.

And for once, there are some promising candidates.

One of the more interesting developments comes from NEXT Life Sciences, which is working on a hormone-free pill called PausePill. Men would take it before sex, with the effects intended to last about 24 hours. The idea is to temporarily prevent sperm from coming out during ejaculation, leaving erections and orgasms alone.

Founder L.R. Fox even told the New York Post that “anecdotally, we’ve heard men say that they actually have increased pleasure.” Increased pleasure and no pregnancy? That’s a hell of a sales pitch.

The catch is that researchers still have to prove it works. The pill, also known as NLS-133, is being studied in a small Phase 2 trial involving 10 men. Its ability to reliably prevent pregnancy remains unproven.

Pills, Gels, and Injections: The Race to Give Men More Birth Control Options

NEXT is also developing Plan A, a hormone-free contraceptive for men who’d prefer to handle birth control with one procedure. It involves injecting a hydrogel into the tubes that carry sperm, preventing them from entering semen. The company wants the procedure to be reversible, although that still needs to be demonstrated in human trials.

Then there’s YCT-529, a daily hormone-free pill from YourChoice Therapeutics. Its first human safety trial involved 16 men who’d already had vasectomies. Researchers reported no adverse effects from the single doses tested, and longer trials are examining what happens to sperm production.

Another candidate, NES/T, is a hormonal gel men apply to their shoulders daily. In a Phase 2b trial involving 222 men, 86% reached the study’s sperm suppression target by week 15.

Of course, male birth control has been promising to arrive for years. Researchers still need larger trials, convincing safety data, and actual evidence that these products prevent pregnancy.

For now, women are still handling most of the contraceptive responsibility while men wait for something new. Hopefully, one of these products makes it to the pharmacy before another generation of guys has to make the same condom-or-vasectomy decision their dads did.

The post Male Birth Control Pills Are in Development, and One Might Even Make Sex Better appeared first on VICE.

If there’s one thing I know about younger generations, it’s that they expect far too much of themselves and each other—especially in relationships. In dating, many people believe they should always feel connected to their partner, treating any disconnect as a threat to their bond. 

But can we really stay connected to our partner every hour of every day?

“The age of social media and having all forms of communication right at our fingertips has increased [the] pressure to stay connected with your partner at all times,” says Leanna Stockard, a licensed marriage and family therapist at LifeStance Health. “This could look like texting consistently throughout the day, about everything or nothing, expecting your partner to reply immediately, checking their location when you are apart, etc. You may feel the pressure to stay in constant communication with your partner throughout the day to maintain a connection with them, but this is not necessarily the case, and could actually be harmful.”

Like with most issues in life, adding more pressure will likely only cause more harm. In other words, pushing for constant connection with your partner might actually sabotage its authenticity.

The Downsides of Constant Connection

While you might assume constant connection with your partner is positive, the pressure to stay in contact and emotionally engaged at all times can put unnecessary strain on your relationship.

“The pressure to be constantly connected to your partner can create a sense of obligation, frustration, or set an unhealthy expectation in the relationship,” Stockard says. “It’s important for partners to have space and freedom to maintain their individual lives, and feeling pressure to stay constantly connected can interfere with that space. It can keep them attached to their phones when with friends, feeling like they need to update their partner constantly, and overall it can impact their ability to stay present with other parts of their lives.”

Is Constant Connection Really Necessary?

While connection within a relationship is important to maintaining your bond, constant connection is simply unrealistic and unnecessary. Just because our partners are more accessible today through social media, texting, and other communication channels doesn’t mean we must stay in contact at all times—or that we will feel emotionally connected every day. 

“Previous generations have been able to maintain an overall connection with one another despite not being constantly connected throughout the day,” says Stockard. “It’s similar to the way that we do not need to be constantly connected to friends or family members, but then when you do see one another to connect, it’s like no time has passed.”

Relationships go through different phases and seasons, just like friendships, and you might not always feel as connected as you’d like. However, this doesn’t necessarily raise a red flag.

A More Realistic Approach to Connection

While it’s natural to crave consistent communication and a strong bond with your partner, constant connection is not always attainable.

“A better approach to connecting with your partner is being intentional,” says Stockard. “Intentional connection can include doing an activity together, having a conversation without screens present, and/or talking about the ins and outs of your day at the end of the day instead of throughout.”

Intentional connection is far more important than constant connection. Quality over quantity.

“It is important to prioritize this intentional connection to maintain an overall genuine connection with one another,” Stockard adds. “This form of connection can improve trust, safety, and the quality of your relationship.”

The post Why Constant Connection Might Be Hurting Your Relationship, According to a Marriage Therapist appeared first on VICE.

The new moon in Libra will occur on Saturday, October 10, at 11:50 a.m. ET, when the moon reaches 0% illumination. From our view here on Earth, the moon will seem to “disappear” from the sky, but astrologically speaking, its impact will be hard to ignore.

About the Upcoming Libra New Moon

This new moon occurs in Libra, bringing an air of romance and harmony. Ruled by Venus, the planet of love and beauty, Libra focuses on dating, relationships, justice, and fairness. When the new moon falls in this sign, expect opportunities, clarity, and perhaps even closure in your closest relationships. This might look like deep, healing conversations, exciting meet-cutes, or much-needed breakups.

This new moon also falls during the powerful Venus retrograde in Scorpio. If you know anything about retrogrades, you know they’re thought to stir up chaos and conflict—so you can finally work through old wounds once and for all. But with the planet of love retrograding in Scorpio, a passionate, possessive water sign, you might feel more intensity in your love life. Think: exes resurfacing, misaligned partners calling it quits, insecurities popping up, etc.

This Libra new moon can help you clarify your wants and needs in relationships. Use it to ground you during an otherwise unstable period.

How to Work With the New Moon in Libra Energy

1. Find Ways to Bring Balance and Harmony to Your Life

The new moon in Libra is a great opportunity to find more balance in your life. Libra is all about harmony and fairness, so make sure you’re not giving more than you take—or vice versa—right now, especially in your closest relationships.

For example, if you’re in a relationship, do you feel you’re both investing equal effort, or is one person carrying more of the weight? Are certain parts of your life (work, school, chores) getting more attention than others (movement, health, and pleasure)? Be honest as you evaluate your priorities and relationships.

2. Get Clear on Your Must-Haves in Love

Because Libra deals heavily with love and romance, this new moon is the perfect time to write a relationship manifesto. In other words, define your ideal partner or relationship by writing down the qualities you’re seeking in a significant other: kindness, patience, empathy, passion, a good sense of humor, etc. Include details regarding how you’d like to feel within this connection. For example, you might want to feel safe, secure, and supported; or you might be seeking chemistry, excitement, and casual commitment. Whatever the case, get clear on what you want and how you want it to show up for you.

3. Prioritize Self-Care

Self-care is crucial during Libra season, as this air sign is known for over-giving. Sometimes, Libra forgets to set boundaries that protect their energy. Use this new moon to show yourself some extra love and care. Of course, this doesn’t mean you have to neglect your loved ones; however, make sure you’re not neglecting yourself, either. Make time for rest, pleasure, creativity, and romance—and treat yourself every once in a while.

The post Today’s New Moon Will Have You Rethinking Your Love Life, According to Astrology appeared first on VICE.

For better and for worse, the topic of narcissism has become rather “trendy.” Awareness is fabulous; however, it’s horrible to know that abuse is so rampant, and there’s also the issue of the phenomenon of individuals haphazardly flinging the term “narcissist” around as a form of slander and devaluation. That said, those who cry wolf do not alter the indisputable fact that narcissists are a very real and persistent menace capable of eroding even the strongest souls in unimaginable ways.

These parasites, so we are told by the experts, don’t change; they age poorly; and those of the “malignant” variety just want to destroy us — every encounter, no matter how seemingly benign, is entered on their end with malevolent intentions. They will harm the hands that feed them, if only to feel a bit less powerless. They dwell in a fantasy land where they are infallible and all-powerful, and they try to trap us there too. 

Casting a narcissist out of your life is complicated for many reasons. Yet, once you exorcise their disgusting spirit from your heart, there will almost certainly be divine rewards. In fact, a good portion of those who have experienced narcissistic abuse have stated that they wouldn’t go back and erase the experience, despite the immense pain endured. Nietzsche’s immortal words indeed apply: “What does not kill me, makes me stronger.”

Narcissists show us, by their outrageous example, the bitter people (Note: Some contend that they actually are not “people”…) we must never become; all too often, they meet their downfall, from which we can certainly extract moral stories.

In celebration of recovery, here are the 5 must-follow accounts to help you (or a friend who might be affected) heal from narcissistic abuse! 

1. Richard Grannon

Sometimes, when we’ve been victimized, we fear appearing weak. In those cases, the truth may penetrate our thick skulls more easily if delivered by a large, tough guy like Richard Grannon, whose background includes both self-defense and psychology. Mr. Grannon is probably the first expert on narcissism you should turn toward during your recovery process; while he runs a coaching service, he also gives advice on how to find a fitting therapist — not everyone in mental health understands the complexities of narcissism.

His deep wisdom always seems compatible with common sense. This respected figure is very blunt about how narcissists weaponize love and empathy; the more you attempt to help them, the sicker they become. Going “no contact” is the only solution, as the others on this list agree.

I don’t say this lightly: Mr. Grannon’s videos can change lives. As this beacon of intellectual honesty says, the goal of narcissism videos is to make you stop watching narcissism videos and focus on other things. While such videos are addictive, Grannon can certainly enable you to break free of them.

Follow Richard Grannon HERE.

Awakened Survivor 

Octavia, the woman behind Awakened Survivor, is my personal favorite narcissism expert. She boasts an impressive background in the arts and holistic wellness. She created the character Nelly the Narcissist because, as someone in entertainment, she rightly believes humor can aid recovery. 

This outstanding creator bravely dives into the spiritual dimension of narcissistic abuse; in my opinion, it’s a sin to ignore it. By probing areas some might consider taboo (as well as more standard territory), Octavia has led her viewership on surprising yet rewarding journeys. She sometimes features guests with fascinating perspectives, adding variety. 

Octavia radiates a gentle, empathic energy, which matters especially when she delivers crushing truths about energy vampires —trying to fathom the levels of malice behind the masks worn by sociopaths can understandably make a person furious, but Octavia has a superb grasp of how to relay disconcerting information. She places a special emphasis on encouraging followers to rekindle and protect that inner Light that the narcissists so desperately tried to snuff.

Follow Awakened Survivor HERE.

Danish Bashir 

Mr. Bashir brings a unique set of insights, having grown up around narcissists and overcome their snares. I find he often has incredible observations that no one else does. With uncanny accuracy, Mr. Bashir will capture oddly specific behaviors that you thought were just individual to the narcissist who turned your life upside down — as many have remarked, narcissists are all cut from the same fabric.

He explores everything from the narcissists’ lack of table manners to their ability to completely destroy your health — a shocking yet concrete reality agreed upon by all experts I’ve heard thus far. While Bashir holds a master’s in clinical psychology, he also lets his spiritual understanding shine through. You can’t skip over this expert! 

Follow Danish Bashir HERE.

Jill Wise Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching

Ms. Wise is so ridiculously razor-sharp and to the point that she can explain in minutes, or often even in an instant, those mind games that have quite literally been driving you insane — the manipulative tactics that leave you either pale and speechless or red and rambling. In other words, she takes the source of all the mixed emotions boiling up inside you and boils them down into something perfectly palatable, turning your struggles into nourishing knowledge. Ms. Wise sees right through the inner workings of most self-aggrandizing and gaslighting creatures (who, she assures us, are just as pathetic and broken on the inside as we might like to believe) while encouraging listeners to take the Higher path.

Follow Jill Wise Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching HERE.

Ask Anoushka

Anoushka Marcin is another remarkable woman, with abundant gifts of intuition and insight. Her explanations are always clear; she offers amazing takeaways, avoids leaving her followers feeling bogged down by the heaviness that often follows psychological discussions, and is always a delight to listen to. The Zen she emanates is contagious. 

As she has noted, she has blossomed as a creator; as she moved away from her abusive situation, she has beautifully come into herself, reclaimed her confidence and other gifts, and become a testament to the power of healing.

Follow Ask Anoushka HERE.

The post 5 Must-Follow YouTube Accounts to Help You Heal From Narcissistic Abuse appeared first on VICE.

No romantic relationship is perfect. At some point, you will hurt your partner—and vice versa. What matters most is how well you repair after arguments or conflict. But one of the most important, and often overlooked, aspects of repair is validation.

When you acknowledge your partner’s experience, even if it differs from your own, you help them feel seen, heard, and supported in their pain. However, many people—often without realizing it—invalidate their partner’s emotions and perspective, creating a disorienting disconnect. 

If you fear you do this to your partner, or are wondering whether they do it to you, you’re in the right place. Here are five signs you might be accidentally invalidating your partner, according to a therapist.

1. You Confuse Being Right With Being Heard

Look, I get it: We all want to be right—and acknowledged as so—in an argument. But being right doesn’t mean your partner’s experience or perspective is invalid.

“When the goal of a disagreement becomes proving your side is correct, it can unintentionally dismiss your partner’s feelings and experience,” says Andrea Wiggs, LPC, therapist at Serenium Therapy and Wellness. “This can trigger your partner into a defensive or self-protective state that halts open communication and prevents reaching a resolution.”

For example, you may have said something that hurt your partner’s feelings. Even though you know in your heart of hearts you didn’t mean to be mean or attack them, they might still feel that way. Rather than telling them they’re wrong and blaming their emotions on projection, try to understand and validate their feelings. 

“Couples can shift the goal from determining who is ‘right’ to making sure both people feel heard and supported,” says Wiggs. “Your partner’s feelings are valid even when their perspective differs from your own. Taking the time to consider both perspectives can allow couples to create a deeper connection and foster trust, security, and healthy interdependence.”

2. You Think ‘I’m Sorry’ Is Enough

We all know someone who spews rude comments and acts shady, only to follow it up with a simple “I’m sorry.” You know what they say: “An apology without changed behavior is manipulation.”

“If your partner says they feel dismissed when you respond with, ‘Yeah, yeah, you told me that last week,’ simply apologizing may not resolve the underlying issue,” says Wiggs. “If you apologize yet continue to repeat the same behavior, you will end up causing your partner and your relationship additional harm.”

Instead of just apologizing, listen to your partner’s feelings, validate their experience, and then change your approach as you see fit.

“Couples should go beyond the apology and address the root of the issue by sharing what they will do differently moving forward,” says Wiggs. “Changing harmful behaviors will provide you and your partner the chance to be accountable for your actions and their impact. Taking full accountability will allow you and your partner to repair the damage that has been caused by creating tangible change through intentionality and consistency.”

3. You Trying to Fix the Problem Instead of Listening

One of the more well-intentioned forms of invalidation is trying to solve a problem instead of validating your partner’s feelings about it.

“I see this problem come up quite often with couples. One partner brings up a situation that has been troubling them, and the other responds immediately with solutions,” says Wiggs. “The partner [who] offers the solutions is often confused when their partner is upset by their response. What they do not realize is that their partner was reaching out to them for emotional support, and their response may have caused them to feel rushed to turn off their painful emotions.”

For example, maybe your significant other is venting to you about their chronic illness and the distressing symptoms it’s causing them, yet they’ve been to countless doctors and are not responding well to treatment. Instead of encouraging them to try a new fad diet or meditate every day, let them release their frustrations without adding more stress. Odds are, they’ve already considered every potential solution you’re throwing at them.

“Couples should take time to listen attentively and offer validation,” Wiggs says. “Serving as a sounding board for your partner will help them to feel understood and help to give them the creative energy they need to develop their own solutions.”

4. You Compare Their Pain to Your Own

Everyone experiences trauma and hardship differently. Don’t compare your experience to your partner’s to dismiss their pain. 

“When your partner’s attempts to be vulnerable are met with comparison, it can turn emotional support into a competition instead of a safe space to share,” says Wiggs. “I find this dynamic can be very destructive, as one partner is left feeling like their emotions are of lesser importance or like they do not have the right to experience them.”

“Having their pain minimized in this way can deter them from reaching out altogether,” Wiggs adds. “Hearing your partner’s pain is an opportunity to be curious and attempt to gain a better understanding of their emotional tolerance and how it has been shaped by their own biology, background, and beliefs. This helps to create space for both partners’ emotions instead of one partner’s feelings overshadowing another’s.”

5. You Focus on the Details Without Acknowledging Their Experience

When you argue with your partner, do you get caught up in the minor details of the situation while ignoring their overall feelings and experience?

“Couples can often be so focused on agreeing on the details of a situation that they lose sight of reaching an understanding,” says Wiggs. “They become less emotionally present with one another, and their rhetoric can become harsh and critical and create an emotional disconnect.”

Rather than harping on the details, zoom out and get curious about your partner’s experience. 

“The reality is two individuals cannot experience the same event in the exact same way,” Wiggs says. “We all have different past experiences, emotions, attention, and circumstances that help to shape our perception. Instead, couples can strive to look for deeper meaning. Each partner can shift the conversation by inquiring about what the situation means to the other.”

The post 5 Signs You’re Accidentally Ruining Your Relationship, According to a Therapist appeared first on VICE.

You can tell a guy his gym routine is paying off with a compliment, or you can climb on and grind on his bicep for your own pleasure. Men seem pretty excited about the second option.

A woman recently asked Reddit if it would be weird to grind on her friend-with-benefits’ freshly jacked arm during foreplay, and the replies were overwhelmingly supportive. “It’s weird as hell on the surface, but it’s something that, if it happened to me, I would literally never forget it,” one man wrote, according to Metro. Someone else coined “bicepsual,” while another woman chimed in that she prefers pecs and hips. The internet has spoken.

The arm obsession didn’t come out of nowhere. TikTok spent the summer obsessed with the “bicep trend,” where men stand around looking “normal” in a T-shirt before flexing and revealing their massive bulk. Women have always liked a good arm. Some are now looking at one and thinking, that could be fun.

This Unusual Sex Act Might Be the Ultimate Compliment for a Guy’s Biceps

Psychosexual therapist Becky Crepsley-Fox told Metro that grinding on a partner’s body comes up with her clients regularly. The technique is called broadening, where stimulation spreads across more of the vulva instead of concentrating on one small area. A flexed bicep just happens to be firm and conveniently shaped for the assignment.

From a purely anatomical standpoint, the bicep makes a pretty good “saddle” to hit all those good spots. Research from Indiana University found that only 18.4% of women said penetration alone was enough for orgasm. More than a third said they needed clitoral stimulation, while another large group said it made their orgasms better.

Sex therapist Laurie Mintz, author of Becoming Cliterate, has been arguing for years that penetration gets way too much credit. “When we equate intercourse and sex and call everything that comes before intercourse ‘foreplay,’ we are buying into the cultural script,” she told CNN.

Women who sleep with women also report higher orgasm rates than straight women. One study found that 86% of lesbians usually or always orgasmed during sex, compared with 65% of heterosexual women. For many women, the clitoris is the main event.

So if the bicep looks…inviting, ask first. Judging by the Reddit response, there’s a decent chance he’ll consider it the best compliment his arm has ever received.

The post Why Biceps Are Having a Very Horny Moment Right Now appeared first on VICE.

This article is part of TPM Cafe, TPM’s home for opinion and news analysis. It was originally published at Balls and Strikes.

On Tuesday, October 6, Justice Samuel Alito released So Ordered, his addition to the Supreme Court’s library of vanity books written by justices who decided that their $306,600 salaries are not enough. Alito’s book is particularly unnecessary because most of it is not even original content, but a collection of adapted speeches he’s given since his confirmation in 2006. As it turns out, a lesser-known perk of being a Supreme Court justice is that you can get paid to publish old talking points thrown together by clerks whose names you forgot long ago.

Much of the coverage of Alito’s book is due to ongoing speculation that he could retire soon, ensuring that a Republican president and a Republican-controlled Senate can nominate and confirm his successor. While promoting So Ordered, though, Alito has said that he plans to “serve for a certain number of additional years,” and “intends” to “stick around through this term.” On the one hand, I understand why this is a story; on the other, given that Alito is a lifelong Republican with an alarming history of flying January 6-adjacent flags over his homes, if Democrats take the Senate in the 2026 midterms, I will not be shocked if he changes his mind.

Ever been twenty minutes into a first date and thought, yeah, this isn’t it? They’ve brought up their ex three times, and your drink is still mostly full. You want to go home, but you’d also rather not be the a**hole who bolts.

Chances are, you’ll stay anyway. A UK study found that people usually know if a date is going well within about 25 minutes, then hang around for an average of 51 minutes before finally making an excuse. More than a third said they didn’t feel comfortable saying they wanted to leave. That’s almost another half hour of your life spent talking to someone you know you won’t see again. 

Ilay Shitov, chief growth officer at the dating app Fledge, thinks people are making this harder on themselves than they need to. “A first date is not a contract,” he told VICE. “You are meeting someone to find out whether you enjoy being around them and sometimes the answer is no, and there is nothing inherently rude about that.”

How to Leave a Bad Date Without Faking an Emergency

For him, the difference is in how you handle it. He defines being a jerk as “knowingly creating expectations you have no intention of fulfilling or disregarding another person’s feelings, dignity or boundaries when you could have treated them with more care.” Realizing over coffee that you have absolutely no interest in a second date doesn’t meet that bar.

It’s also completely normal to cut a date short if you’re not feeling it. In a DatingAdvice.com survey, 49% of Americans said they’d left early because of the other person’s behavior. The person you’re with would rather you be honest than grin and bear it. A Shane Co. survey found that 39% would rather hear the truth than sit through the rest of a date that clearly isn’t working.

Shitov recommends planning in an easy exit from the start. He suggests grabbing coffee and walking toward a restaurant, then deciding after 15 or 20 minutes whether you both want to keep going. He even recommends agreeing on a signal beforehand, like picking up your keys. “It may sound silly, but having the signal agreed in advance removes the awkwardness and gives both people a dignified way out,” he said.

If you didn’t build in an escape plan, you can still just say what’s happening. “I’ve enjoyed meeting you, but I don’t think we’re a match, so I’m going to head out” is enough. You don’t need to fake a sick roommate or suddenly remember that your oven is on.

Of course, safety is different. If someone makes you uncomfortable or something feels wrong, leave. Manners can sit this one out.

“You don’t owe someone chemistry,” Shitov said. “But you do owe them basic consideration.” A half-finished drink and a direct goodbye is better than another hour of pretending.

The post How to Leave a Bad First Date Without Being a Jerk: A Helpful Guide appeared first on VICE.

Take it from a hopeless romantic who’s had her heart shattered a few times throughout her 20s: breakups are brutal. They often bring out the worst in us, sometimes even triggering rash decisions or compulsive behavior, like ruminating or overspending. 

Typically, this behavior doesn’t actually help us heal and operates more like a band-aid over a bullet wound. In fact, a Dating.com survey recently found that 59% of respondents spent money to feel better after their last breakup, but only 28% said it helped them heal.

According to Jaime Bronstein, LCSW, resident therapist at Dating.com, much healthier ways to cope with breakups exist—methods that won’t break the bank or send you spiraling into debt. Here are three ways to protect your mental health and wallet during a heartbreak.

1. Mute, Don’t Delete

After being dumped or betrayed by someone you thought was your soulmate, you might feel tempted to delete all evidence they ever existed. However, Bronstein warns that we might regret this quick, pain-driven decision.

“If you delete photos, messages, and physical memories of your ex, you might regret it later when you’re not as emotional,” Bronstein points out. “I recommend muting or archiving them for a period of time. It could be two weeks or a month; it’s up to you. This would help you decide without their interference and with a clearer mind, and would prevent you from second-guessing any rash decisions.”

2. Set a Time Limit for Rumination

As someone with OCD, I know how powerful the urge to ruminate can be. Unfortunately, I also know how toxic this habit can become, holding us back from healing and moving forward with our lives.

“Thoughts can get overwhelming quickly,” Bronstein says. “Set aside 15-30 minutes a day when you allow yourself to be flooded with thoughts of your ex, and if you feel like writing down your feelings in a journal, that can be helpful as you heal. After that time, do your best to be productive and carry on with your day while focusing on the positive and the present moment.”

3. Wait 48 Hours Before Making Breakup Purchases

A little retail therapy never hurt anybody…but a lot of it can definitely set you back financially. Not to mention, it likely won’t fill the void you’re feeling from your breakup.

“It makes sense to want to do something to make yourself feel better; however, before you make a purchase, wait a day or two, and then reflect on how you’re feeling, and ask yourself if it is to show off to your ex or if it’s something you genuinely would like to purchase regardless of the breakup,” Bronstein recommends. “If it’s for your ex, then skip it; however, if it’s for you, then go for it and enjoy your new purchase as long as it’s within your budget.”

At the end of the day, there’s no “perfect” way to handle a breakup. Be easy on yourself as you heal, and if you’d like to treat yourself to a new pair of shoes or a little black dress, don’t deprive yourself of that joy. But don’t expect it to mend your broken heart, either. Everything in moderation.

The post 3 Ways to Handle a Breakup Without Making It Harder on Yourself appeared first on VICE.

We’ve all heard the myths about when men and women supposedly hit their sexual peak. Men top out around 18, and women don’t hit their stride until they’re in their 30s. If that were true, it would create a seriously mismatched dating pool. 

Those numbers go back to Alfred Kinsey, whose reports on male and female sexuality came out in 1948 and 1953. Men in his research reported the most orgasms around 17 or 18, while women reported more consistent orgasms after 30, according to MedicineNet.

The problem is that orgasm frequency is a pretty strange way to decide when somebody is having their best sex. A teenage guy can get there with a stiff breeze and a few spare minutes. Young women are more likely to need some trial and error first, plus a partner who’s actually paying attention.

The Truth About When Men and Women Actually Hit Their Sexual Peak

Age eventually catches up with everyone. Men lose testosterone a little at a time, and women can deal with dryness and lower desire around menopause. It’s a slow slide, with no single birthday where everything goes downhill.

And sexual satisfaction doesn’t exactly fall off a cliff later in life. In one survey of more than 1,300 older women, those over 80 reported some of the highest satisfaction levels in the group, social psychologist and Kinsey Institute research fellow Justin Lehmiller wrote in Psychology Today. He later wrote on his blog that older adults “care more about the thought and effort that goes into sex than they do about how often they’re doing it.”

A 2024 study of 556 people over 60 found that a third rated their recent sex as great. Seventy percent expected an unlimited number of orgasms in their future. That’s a lot of optimism for a group we’ve been told is well past its prime.

Feeling older than you are also seems to affect your sex life. Lehmiller has pointed to research linking feeling older than your actual age with lower sexual satisfaction, even after researchers accounted for physical health. That’s one more reason a single “sexual peak” age doesn’t make much sense.

So maybe the whole sexual-peak idea was bullsh*t to begin with. Being horny at 18 is not the same thing as being good at sex, and getting older doesn’t automatically make you bad at it. The older you get, the better chance you’ve had to figure out what actually feels good.

The post What Age Do Men and Women Reach Their Sexual Peak? appeared first on VICE.